LEE PITTS LESSONS

LEE PITTS

LESSONS LEARNED

THOSE STILL TO LEARN

The FencePost.com, 15 March 2016:

Lee Pitts has been writing a syndicated column for 35 yeas now.

Three of those years her wrote a humor column under an assumed name

because he didn't want to disgrace the family name. Before all this he

worked for a livestock weekly news letter on contract trying to sell

cattle advertising. He was not good at it. He wasn't a salesman.

Pitts wanted to write, unfortunately, the publisher didn’t share

his glowing opinion's of his writing skills. Pitts asked to be editor but

a plagiarist, a literary thief, an egomaniac was hired

What the publisher didn't know was he was writing a column

titled “ Grandfathers Collections “ written by the guy who couldn't

write. For a while he worked as a free lance writer, so named because

that's what you work for., free.

Over the years, Pitts says he has known several writers who met

their writing demise when they questioned the integrity of female steer

jocks, the Hereford breed and a town in the Texas panhandle that has a

certain odor as it is surrounded by several feedlots.

Now, to be perfectly clear, Lee Pitts loves the Hereford breed and

the town by the same name. He also happens to think the lady steer

jocks are really “cool “ . He feels political correctness makes it very

difficult to be “funny “.

Funny things written often are offensive to small groups of

people. Like use 'rear end' to avoid the “A “ word.

Lee was in trouble once for a title he did not write and was called

every name in the book for an article written by a competitor but he

never lost a publication because of offensive writtings.

The big reason he stays out of trouble is his wife of 43 years. She

reads every word he writes. Poor girl. If she had not censored his

articles he doubts he would still be in the business.

His wife and he had the same number of English classes in school

but her teachers must have been better teachers, or , maybe she paid

better attention because she knows the rules. What is the difference

between a split infinitive and a idiomatic expression. He had trouble

with its and it's. Like is it Pitt's cow or is it Pitts' cow.

He said his wife knows his audience better and has said “ the

ladies in Nebraska aren't going to like this “. Remember they do not

care for the “ A “ word even when referring to politicians or a male

donkey.

Lee feels it has been his experience that women in Nebraska have

exquisite taste, extremely high morals and are exceptionally bright,

not that the ladies in Indiana, New Mexico, Delaware and Florida

aren't. He near dodged a bullet there. He says, repeat he says, to be

perfectly clear he thinks all women are just like his wife, 200%

perfect I every way.

That my friends is how Lee Pttts has survived four decades

as a columnist and husband.

Abstract: 11/21/18 by Harrison H., from The FencePost.com 2016.