COW CUDDLING

THE COW CUDDLING INDUSTRY

Lee Pitts in his “ It's The Pitts ' column in April 2, 2019, Delmarva Farmer throws

out a big money making idea here, and it could be a year round business with all the city

folks moving in.

Cow cuddling. He relates that Linnea Zielinski, whoever, said people, yes people, pay big

money to cuddle and 'play' with cows. Linnea also says cuddling with a cow will slow down your heart beat. To me, this means you will have a fast turnover with paying customers

which is what you need to make this big money. The term is , to be politically correct,

“animal centric holistic health”.

Cows are sensitive and intuitive characters, they sense what going on inside you, happy,

sad, lost, anxious or excited and respond to that without judgment, ego or agenda.

First you need a cow, and they can be bought rather reasonable, if you can just get to them before the hot dog people do. Yes, purchased cheap, to a point, after they stop giving milk.

That's the cow you want, a hasbeen. I suppose to be politically correct, your going to need a

a stall , lets make this a parlor, where your cuddlers figure what game to play with the the cow you rent them by the hour.

Don't laugh, out there in the cow cuddling industry, the cost is for one or two people $75 an hour. Make it a party, and four can pay $125 an hour. Like I said, you don't want to cuddle too long for it will slow your heart beat to nothing and that aint good.

So here is the payoff, 100 cows, 10 hours a day, 7 days a week, yes do weekends, you have

made $125,000 each day. Open every day, you have made $45 million .

Sure, the government going to get after you, for certification and all that redtape that goes with

fun things. For one you need to 'warsh' the cow often, or, wait, cows don't sweat do they ,

just slobber . Well wash them anyway, you never know who is there cuddling them. That could be a rule too, make the customer warsh their hands, maybe feet too. And, you most

likely are going to need a cow cuddling counselor. I think you can get them out of Texas A&M,with a degree.

After this business gets going, there is the chance you might want to get into goat yoga.

Yes there is another thing you are going to need to do and that is to send me a 'finders fee',

maybe 5% or 10% of the $45 million. I suppose you can expect lawsuits too, you know, the cuddling cow may 'cruddle' on a customer.